By Skip Chatterson - August 12, 2011
Are Ernie and Bert About to be Outed?
By Czech Mate
Change.org has launched an online signature drive to urge producers of ”Sesame Street” to allow Ernie and Bert to take their relationship to the next level. More than 900 people have reportedly signed the petition and a Facebook page has also attracted attention.
“We are not asking that Sesame Street do anything crude or disrespectful,” reads the petition.
Really?
I am certainly no Sherlock Hemlock, but it seems to me that this is something that has been building for more years than the Count has fingers. Just witness the lexicon of a typical show with Herry Monster, The Honkers and (GAG!)Slimey the Worm. I guess these “clever” subtlties of the gay agenda are wearing thin with the far left. Time to make this battle front and center.
I suppose that from their standpoint the transition from friendly to flaming is just a walk in the park, but I beg to differ. Ernie and Bert have a lot of work to do.
First, they need to update their look and their warddrobes. Some piercings and some ink. Those horizontal stripes have made Ernie look fat since the 1960′s.
If they are going to tie the knot, I say shun the traditional wedding band and all of its repressive undertones and have each of them tatoo the others name around his ring finger. That way they can profess their love to each other publicly. 4 EVER.
Their apartment needs updating as well. The urban location is perfect, but the interior is screaming for something grittier and edgier. A black or purple focus wall with metallic silver trim should be a good start. The bathroom could include an oversized steam shower and those seperate beds just HAVE to go.
Then they can change their attitude. They can start raising poodles, eating quiche and sipping lattes while making catty remarks about the other muppets wardrobe choices.
My question is: How would the Sesame Street producers facilitate the “big switch”? Does Ernie suddenly throw himself into Berts flopy soggy arms during one of their late night chats? Do they attend a “Kiss In” rally and suddenly realize they have both been hiding something all these years? (I just threw up in my mouth a little, I hope you did too!)
No, a world with a gay Ernie and Bert is a world I don’t want to live in. I prefer my muppets in the closet under an official “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. There arealready too many politics on Sesame Street as it is, lets leave Ernie and Bert alone.
By the way, Change.org is not about to stop with Ernie and Berts sexuality. The group isalso urging that a transgender character be added to the show. Maybe they should name that one Harry Paratesteez or Pussy Nomoore.
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