By Skip Chatterson - September 27, 2011
AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM
BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – President Obama angers Congresswoman Maxine Waters after telling the audience at the Congressional Black Caucus to “stop complaining”. Waters was later overheard informing the President that he had no right to talk to them like they were children. Obama responded by immediately giving her a time out and taking away her phone privileges.
BREAKING NEWS – Orlando, Florida – Former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza Herman Cain, wins the Florida GOP Presidential Straw Poll. Even though democratic Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz failed to offer any proof, she alleged that Cain indirectly bought votes in many of the retirement communities by promising senior citizens that he would have delivered to their homes a variety of soft pizzas that they could easily gum.
BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – After a six month study, Time Magazine states that they believe that they have an accurate profile for the type of person that will vote for President Obama in 2012.
BREAKING NEWS – Manchester, New Hampshire – GOP candidate Mitt Romney decides not to file charges against Rick Perry for putting him in a wooden crate and nailing it shut. After later freed, Romney stated that it was difficult for him to be trapped in the crate while Perry stood on top of it giving his campaign speeches. But he really started getting scared when he heard Perry state that he wanted to ship him back to Massachusetts, so he could try to explain to the citizens the differences between RomneyCare and ObamaCare.
BREAKING NEWS – Austin, Texas – Dieticians within the ACLU file a lawsuit against Texas and their state prisons, regarding the last meal of inmates on death row. Their complaint alleges that the inmates scheduled to be executed should have access to exercise equipment, because countless studies show that a good workout is essential to longevity after having a big breakfast or dinner.