By Skip Chatterson - December 24, 2011
AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM
BREAKING NEWS – Arlington, Virginia – The American Psychiatric Association announces that their most recent experiment with a large group of people addressing the same emotional problem, was not very successful. They chartered a bus with more than 60 people from various supports groups, that all had Coulrophobia (fear of clowns). The bus driver stated later in an interview, that the reactions from the 60 people ranged from panic attacks to screaming in terror every time they drove passed the House of Representatives in Washington, D.C.
BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Vice President Joe Biden announces that the Taliban is not our enemy. He added that just because they regularly shoot at U.S. troops, and use roadside bombs specifically for American military vehicles, doesn’t mean that they dislike us. Biden continued by saying that the attacks by the Taliban are probably done out of boredom, because middle eastern countries does not allow cable television or the sale of the Sony Play Station 3.
BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – MTV announces that in the summer of 2012 they will be airing their new reality show that will be filmed somewhere in the middle east. The show will revolve around the daily lives of several Al Qaeda members and their families called “Growing up/Blowing up”. If it gets good ratings, MTV stated that they will produce two spinoffs next fall targeting younger audiences, called “Teenage Terrorists” and “Gee Whiz/Jihad”.
BREAKING NEWS – Los Angeles, California – Gloria Allred states at a press conference, that she alone clearly is the best qualified person to represent Vanessa Bryant in her divorce from Kobe. Allred added that her opinion is backed by her experience with the media, her interactions with celebrities, and her intense hatred towards republicans and successful men.
BREAKING NEWS – Salt Lake City, Utah – GOP candidate and former Utah governor Jon Huntsman, states that he is now seriously considering getting out of the race. He said he’s basing his decision on the fact that very few Americans have heard of him, and because after being handed a recently taken family photo, two out of his three daughters could not say with certainty who he was.
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