By Skip Chatterson - July 8, 2012
AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM
BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – At a White House press conference, President Obama speaks about his plan to go after the pharmaceutical companies to bring down the cost of Medicaid. He says he wants to pass a law that will heavily fine and or imprison any scientist or doctor, that knowingly creates a medicine that will cause people to live even longer.
BREAKING NEWS – Birmingham, Michigan – Several committed conservatives are seen on their way to speak to a manager of an office building, feeling confident that they can persuade him not to rent any space to a new chapter of the ACLU
BREAKING NEWS – Phoenix, Arizona – Governor Jan Brewer states that she believes she now has the reason why President Obama challenged Arizona in federal court regarding their state immigration laws. She said that border control agents found hundreds of boxes of voter registration forms near Mexico, with the return address of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Northwest, Washington D.C.
BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder states that he plans on attending the funeral of the late Andy Griffith. He knew Griffith when he was a criminal defense attorney in Mayberry, North Carolina, and actually lived near the famous sheriff. Holder was well known for defending Otis Campbell against charges of public intoxication, maintaining that there has never been compelling evidence to prove that his client has ever been drunk.
BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – CNN’s roving reporter Anderson Cooper, finally comes out of the closet and admits he’s gay. He said he felt comfortable admitting it after signing a new multi-million dollar contract with CNN, with a clause that allows him to conduct high profile interviews while wearing an evening gown.