By Skip Chatterson - September 28, 2012
AUTHOR: BLAKE GRANTHAM
BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – President Obama defends his decision to make another appearance on “The View”. He said because of the important upcoming election, he must pander to one of his most loyal demographics, which consists of politically misinformed dimwitted women.
BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Vice President Joe Biden is again being accused of using questionable measures to fire up African-American voters. He promises that if President Obama gets a second term, he will get a bill passed that will mandate electoral colleges to offer athletic scholarships.
BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – President Obama states that he was offended by Madonna’s recent rant on a stage, referring to him as a Black Muslim. He explained that he would rather be referred to as a bi-racial devout believer of Islam.
BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – While speaking before the U.N. General Assembly, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad states that after his country acquires nuclear weapons, they will not attack Israel or the United States under certain conditions. He said he would demand at the very least, that Israel publicly admits that the Holocaust never happened. He said he would also want the United States to admit that slavery never happened, and to tell the truth about this “1969 moon landing nonsense”.
BREAKING NEWS – New York City, New York – According to the United Nations, Russia and Germany have filed a lawsuit against President Obama, alleging trademark and copyright infringement. They state in the court documents that he stole the idea of putting his picture on a national flag, from Joseph Stalin and Adolph Hitler.